It Is No Longer I Who Live…

My old self has been crucified with Christ.It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. ~Galatians 2:20

Their are times, where I just don’t understand. In fact I don’t understand a lot of things. I don’t like pain, I just don’t like it. Sometimes, in my foolishness, I ask God, to take this from me. To make it all better. To just hand over all the good. I make it sound really good too, “Lord, for the sake of my kids, and my husband”….but the reality is that it’s all about me. Sure enough, in His grace and mercy he re-directs me as a loving father, and shows me a different perspective. My life is not my own. How many times in my awe of him and what he has done in my life, have I asked him to exhaust my life for his glory, for his fame, and then when the pain of surrender hits, I want to take it back! Thank God for God! Thank God that in my moments of self-pity, pain, hardship, He sees the bigger picture, my emotions aren’t able to manipulate my heavenly father, and that he still uses me despite my falling short, despite my inadequacy. My heart is to be more like Christ, to share Jesus, to love others, to forgive, to be kind, to embrace the rejected.

It seems with each passing season, I  am learning to embrace the pain more and more. I am learning to be still and just trust in Him. Pain, hardships, trials, can make me bitter, or I can choose to learn something from them, and become better, become more like Christ. To give more, to serve more, to love more, to be more like Him.

Eleana

You are not alone

You know my every move, you know the deepest darkest secrets in my heart. You know my struggles, you know my weaknesses, you know the ugliest parts of my life, yet you still love me. (My conversation with God)

God is so real. God is love. God is constant. God is so faithful. God is for me.

So many things have happened since we started NGF on January 17, 2010. There are so many amazing stories of God’s restoration, His healing power, and the transformation of peoples lives. There is so much joy that I find in this, in these stories.

And then there is the heartbreak. The heartbreak for those that are hurting, that are in pain, that have lost love, children, jobs. Pain for those that feel alone, whose lives have been crushed by the storms of life. I have never known such pain for others till now, the burden of those who you are shepherding, who you love dearly, who are a part of your heavenly family.

I have cried so many tears, and ached in the deepest parts of my soul, in the midst of these storms where I hurt with our people. Amazingly, even through the pain, I still see God’s grace, His incredible love, His calming peace and that He hurts for us.

My husband spoke about the pains of life a couple of weeks ago, and shared with our church family that when are oldest child was younger, he kept having these pains in his body. His legs ached, his arms hurt, and he would just cry. We didn’t know what was wrong with him, and all we could do was hold him. Later we realized he was having growing pains. As much as we wanted to take the pain away, he had to go through it. That whole time he was going through it, Joseph and I were with him, to comfort him, to love him, to hold him but he had to go through the pain.

In the same way, when you are going through pain and you think you are alone, remember, God is with you, God is for you, and God loves you. If you are going through pain, grab hold of God, He will NEVER forsake you, and He will NEVER leave you. You are not alone.

Romans 8:38-39 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(repost from May 23, 2010)

Pain

One thing we all having in common is pain. Whether self-inflicted, life, or through others, either way it all comes down to pain. When pain attacks us we want to shut down, emotionally, physically, and we build our walls up. We are mean, try to intimidate, try to fend people away from us, we become plastic, and fake (not so much physically, but emotionally hardened). The thing is, we are created in God’s image, to fellowship with Him, be in relationship with Him, and even with others. So when we put up these walls, when we shut down emotionally, when we push others away, we think we are safe, but the truth is, we are in more danger than ever.

The devil loves it when you isolate yourself, he loves to play mind games, he loves to help build up our walls, to build our pride, our selfishness. When we build our walls up, not only are we keeping out what we thought was bad, what you thought would bring pain, but we are also keeping out the healing power of our Savior. We are keeping out vital relationships that can empower us, and we hurt those that need us most, like our children, our family, etc. When we let pain isolate us, we hurt ourselves and those around us.

I have been there, multiple times, before salvation, after salvation, before ministry and even in ministry! The pain has been so unbearable, emotionally, physically, there have been moments where I felt I could not go on. Putting up my walls, but deep down wanting someone or something to break through, to crush down all my walls and find me. It is in our decision to surrender all to Christ, in our decision to be vulnerable to Him where my spirit, my soul, and my heart found freedom. It is only in Christ where we find and have true freedom, true peace, true joy that is not dependent upon life’s circumstances, but on who Christ is, on how He sees me. He sees me as His own daughter, despite all my issues, past, present and to come! He is for me.  Jesus says in Matthew 11:28, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Pain does not have to be a negative but a positive. I encourage you to embrace the pain to draw you nearer to Him, embrace the pain to be more like Him, embrace the pain to know him more.

(original post date Jan 20, 2011 )

Leading & Loving It……San Antonio

So I am super excited to share that Leading & Loving It has posted about the L&LI  San Antonio Mocktail Party! I truly hope that it encourages women all over to get plugged into a leading & loving it local event or volunteer to host one! I am personally already looking forward to the next one we are putting together for San Antonio! So go check out the blog, pics & lovely video from that night!

Eleana

To view the blog you can click here or copy & paste: 
http://leadingandlovingit.com/local-events/ll-it-local-san-antonio/ 

10 Symptoms

My Husband  Joseph Garza sent this to our leadership team, and it really ministered to me. This not only applies to leaders but to christians. Check it out:

Below are some symptoms of spiritual dryness. AND LET’S BE HONEST..It can happen to any one of us. If we don’t keep our relationship with Jesus healthy and vibrant, we will become dry (prayer, bible devotion, etc). It’s AMAZING how when we keep our spiritual life healthy…all of the other areas of our lives are affected and they become healthy too (physical, emotional, relationships, etc). If you are spiritually dry I encourage you to pray, get in the Word, and soak in the power of the Holy Spirit.

10 Symptoms of Spiritual Dryness:
1. People easily frustrate you (pastor, spouse, children, co-workers, etc).
2. You are easily offended.
3. Stress, anxiety, pressure, burn out.
4. You murmur and complain in private.
5. Your socially awkward in public.
6. It is hard for you to receive feedback and advice.
7. Serving becomes a job instead of a joy.
8. The people you love- you are critical of now.
9. The church you love- you are critical of now.
10. You want to isolate yourself from church and people.

If you are spiritually dry I encourage you to pray, read your Bible, and soak in the Holy Spirit. I don’t know about you but I want to be filled with the Spirit, love, joy, power, and peace of God. We can all get dry and disconnected at times but I encourage you to get reconnected BY FAITH. Spiritual dryness can be reversed but the next step is spiritual deadness and that’s harder to reverse.

Pastor Joseph Garza
Lead Pastor
New Generation Fellowship